Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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