One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
