I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
