Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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