Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
