we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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