Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
