Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
