I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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