Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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