I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It was like getting head from an anaconda
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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