The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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