I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
