I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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