yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
