I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
