So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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