he wants to bone in the snuggie
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
