Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
