I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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