Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
