'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
