One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
