Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
high people should be assigned attendants
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My dick has a subreddit
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
