dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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