Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
