i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
