Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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