First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
