apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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