My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
