it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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