he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
