you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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