HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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