have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
