we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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