The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i dont even know how to be here
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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