3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
