i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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