i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
sex in a hospital.. check
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
