the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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