I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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