Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
