I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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