Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
