party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
