I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
