I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
