how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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