dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
