I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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