As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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