You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
