I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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